Dads have recently joined the parent blogging genre. I asked them what their biggest problems were, how they balanced work, life, and online presence. Here Donny aka Daddy Claxton, gives us the low down in Part 2: Finding The Balance
Recently I read a USA Today article from Aug. 2000 that talked about how much time dads spend with their kids each week. The study, done by the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, said, that “American children spend an average of 2.5 hours a day with their fathers on weekdays and 6.2 hours on weekends.” It also said that for every $10K the father makes, the time spent with the kids drops by five minutes on the weekends.
As a father of seven kids, I know I’m an anomaly. Just having seven kids in the equation satisfies that, but if you browse the Internet, you can find a handful of dads Web sites, but let’s face it, there aren’t as many of them as there are mom Web sites. So just having a dads’ Web site furthers that anomaly.
So the question that comes to mind is how do I balance between work, home responsibilities and blogging all at the same time? The answer: It’s not easy and quite honestly, I’m not sure that I ever do.
I’ve been in the PR business for more than 20 years. By age 29 I was the press secretary to the second governor I’d served under. At 30 I also got married and my perspectives on how much time to devote to staying at the office really changed. At 31 my first child was born. At 33, I got a two for one deal and my twins were born. That marriage ended at 38 and at 40 I began a new life with my wife and her four kids.
Most guys my age are sending kids out of the house, and I seem to still be getting them.But how do I attempt to find balance between work, home and my time on the Net?
Well, that’s about as easy as raising seven kids. Sure, we go from seven one week, to four the next and back, so there are opportunities for a “breather,” but even with four we’re constantly on the move.
My bride and I have struggled with the issues surrounding school mornings in our house. For her, it’s noticeably more tolerable with the seven when I remain at home in the morning when all seven are present. The arguing, fooling around, etc. seem to be lessoned by my presence. My struggle comes from the fact that I’m a morning person. My best writing/thinking is done from 7-11 a.m. If I’m distracted or late getting into that mode because I’ve been around seven kids, my productivity levels for the remainder of the day just aren’t the same. But at the same time, leaving them all to my wife early causes me to pay for it later because she’s a wreck the rest of the day.
The times when I have to travel for my job add to the challenge. I don’t travel all the time, but as fate would have it, many times when I travel it’s during a week when we have all seven kids. That leaves a 7:1 ratio at home and the kids, who already think they own our house, really get into that way of thinking. Last year at this time I was the communications director for Oklahoma City’s public schools, and I was in Oklahoma during the work weeks and at home on the weekends. You want to talk about being way out of balance? That really put a damper on our marriage and life as a family.
So what have I learned from being back home this year?
I still know I have to find time to take care of myself. And any alone time for thinking is a valuable blessing.
There also has to be alone time with my wife and time to assume the reigns and let her get out on her own or with a friend, too. This coming weekend we’re hiring a sitter to stay with four of the kids and we’re taking a mini-sojourn. It might just be on the other side of DFW, but it’s still time away and as importantly, time for us to be with each other.
And for the kids, I’m trying to carve out special times with each of them. That’s not easy because a lot of times the boys would prefer to be in their rooms on the computer. Our Aspie son, if you demand that he get out of his room to help you on a wood project or in the yard or whatever, makes you pay for it in the way of arguments, complaints, you name it. Yesterday, my eldest daughter and I sat down on this computer and worked in PhotoShop Elements for a while. We doctored up one of the studio shots we’d taken of her in our living room recently and it was a good 30-minutes to 45 minutes of one-on-one time.
I was able to teach her new tricks and tools because I, too, am taking the time in the schedule to go to our local Apple Store once a week to learn more about movie making, graphic design, etc.
And so how do I find time to mix in the Internet with all of that? Whew.
Because I am fortunate to sport an iPhone, I get to do a lot of Twitter work via Twitterific.
But I’ve also been blessed to have my MacBook Pro that goes with me almost everywhere I go.
So as there are questions I get asked, comments I hear, etc. I’m able to simply type them into a Twitter message or a blog post on
www.dadscenter.org and try to keep on going.
Admittedly, there are times when my bride has told me I’m on the computer too much. I disagree, but that has been her perception from time-to-time. And so I’ve tried to make adjustments. (I told her this morning that I was writing this piece and she asked if she got a chance to comment on it!)
Do I wish I had more time to spend with my wife and kids? Of course. Even on my blog I’ve said a time or two I wish there were more copies of me to go around, and more hours in a day. So what’s the answer?
At this writing, I’m not sure. It’s something I struggle with each and every day. I’m finding that at age 42, I have lots of ideas about what I would like to do with my life. Lots of ideas that would benefit my kids, such as creating the Web site GrowingUpMac for my kids. The premise is to get each of them a Mac computer through a sponsorship—we could never afford one for each kid on our income—and get the kids into the proper training for Adobe, Autodesk Maya, and Apple software like Final Cut, Aperture, etc, and then get my kids to do podcasts, blogs, etc. on their own portion of the site. Their target audiences would be their peers, but also parents as a way of showing, hey, these kids can do this, don’t you want to provide this same opportunity for your kids?
I’ve had this idea for a couple of months now. It’s time to get busy with it, but at the same time, there is work and home life that has to be incorporated; let alone finding sponsors, setting up the site, and a host of other things to do.
So through Twitter and Alltop.com, I’ve been asking for other dads to help me do writing on
www.dadscenter.org.
I’m open to help in finding sponsors and setting up the Web site for GrowingUpMac as well.
I’ve realized I can’t do it all by myself.
And therein lies the answer to finding balance. I don’t have all the answers for how to work in the PR business and have a family. I don’t have all the answers for how to be a good dad for one, let alone for seven. I don’t have all the answers for how to operate my Web site(s) and do social media. But I’m wise enough to say, I need some help. And I think that’s how best to get things done.
Do dad’s have more trouble with balancing it all or is it easier? Tell Daddy Claxton what you think here then drop by his site and give him a prop.
Finding the balance in our lives is probably the toughest thing, that moms have to tackle. How do you balance work, blogging, children, husbands, and every thing else that pops up during the day? I’ve heard so many women say that they’re “overwhelmed” and many have forgone at least one part of the ginormous equation that faces multi-tasking moms every day. So how do the “super moms” do it? For answers, I went directly to the sources. Here in part one of Finding The Balance, Dr. Mommy tells us how she does it. Dr. Daisy (aka Dr. Mommy) is a Christian, Doctor of Chiropractic by profession, wife to a loving and supporting husband and home school mom to 5 beautiful children. She is a speaker, problogger, freelance and content writer that devotes her time to educating the public on the importance of health, nutrition and wellness.She has several sites you can visit:http://drmommychronicles.com (mommy blog),http://drmommywrites.com (writing site),http://drmommyhealthtips.com (health site).
My name is Dr. Daisy (aka Dr. Mommy), I am a Christian, Doctor of Chiropractic, wife to loving and supportive husband, home school mommy to 5 beautiful children, freelance and content writer, speaker, problogger and Health/Wellness Advocate.
Many have asked me how I balance my busy life. First off it is not difficult it does however require dedication and organization. I have been homeschooling my children for over 10 years and the last 5 years I have been helping my husband (also a Chiropractor) manage our family practice. Besides doing that I also manage our home and have an online business and several blogs. Again, I tell you that it is all possible with scheduling. The most important thing to remember is that your home is also a business and if you look at managing your home as a business it will run much more smoothly.
Many times I hear women say that they are exhausted when they come home and don’t have the time to devote to their home much less an online business. I determined long ago that I wanted to be successful in my home as well as in my business so I had to change my way of thinking. I developed a schedule where there is time to manage my home, manage our private practice, manage my homeschooling and manage my online businesses. I have also learned to delegate and that has been a true blessing. The schedule works so well that I actually have down time and can relax an enjoy a good book or movie.
From the time my children were young (age 2) I trained them to clean up after themselves. It is not an easy task but with time they understand that it must be picked up and put in its designated basket or box. As they grew older chores were assigned and they had to check them off as they were accomplished. To this day, they must complete their morning chores before beginning their schooling and continue the upkeep throughout the day. As far as homeschooling, it is an all day venture. In the beginning we had set hours to do homeschooling but life always seem to get in the way, so that quickly changed. My children are learning every minute of the day and are also learning to do independent studies which will help them in the future. They learn to cook by the time they can reach the counters and understand the rules of the kitchen. They also help with the laundry and grocery shopping—all lessons that will be applied to their lives when they move on.
As for my online work, it is a pleasure to do. I love to write and enjoy doing it on a daily basis. Once again I have designated times that I can go online to work and times that I can play. Yes, I allow myself downtime so as not to overwhelm myself. I have a planner with all my projects and client work and assign different tasks for different days. My children are aware of those times and are sure to ask me if I am working before they come into my office. They respect my time online and that is something that has been taught as well.
I do not consider myself a wonder woman or super mom, because none of this is possible without my faith in the Lord. I am thankful and extremely blessed to have the opportunity to do what I do. There was a time that I was not happy. I made a decision to give up my profession to stay home with the children and dedicate my life to them. As they grew, and I was able to manage doing more, the Lord blessed me with online opportunities where I could share the knowledge I worked for many years to attain. I now am able to help people online and offline and feel very blessed that I am able to do this.
I want to thank Debbie for inviting me to write my story for her beautiful site. I hope I was able to inspire some of the many wonderful women that sometimes feel that they can’t do it…I am proof that it can be done. With a little help from above and determination on your part, anything is possible!
Stacking those stones so that they don’t come crashing down around us can be difficult. What’s the biggest stone keeping you from balance? How do you achieve the balance in your life? Everyone has a different stone, everyone has a different way to deal with balancing home, work, and online presence. Let’s talk about Finding The Balance. Leave your thoughts or questions for Dr. Mommy or me here. We promise we’ll talk back!
