Isn’t That Special?

I’ve heard this (or some variant) throughout my life, more times than I could ever count: “Your mother loved you enough to give you up.” I remember specific instances when this was said to me as a child. Hearing it now, at 52, I want to puke. It makes me physically nauseous.

This pseudo warm fuzzy statement is supposed to make me feel good, feel as though I was/am important. It does neither. If you are not an adoptee, think about how it would feel for someone to say that to you as a child about YOUR mother. Would you feel loved if your mother gave you up?

Just to put this into perspective, let’s try something - get up from your computer, walk to wherever your child is right this minute, lean over them and say, I can’t take care of you, but I love you so much, I’m going to give you away to someone who can.

Did you do it? Did your child burst into tears? Did they look at you with horror? Of course you didn’t get up and say that to your child and . Why? Because you know damn well that saying such a thing to your child would crush them, and it would devastate you to say it.

Go ahead, admit it, you’ll feel better. Promise.

As an adoptee, I have heard a plethora of platitudes, cliches and one-liners which are designed to dictate how I am supposed to feel about my own adoption. I have been told the following: (presented in no particular order)

• You’re so lucky.
• I wish I was adopted, my parents suck.
• You should be grateful, at least you’re not in an orphanage.
• How can you feel that way? Look at all the things your parents gave you!
• That’s so cool!
• Why would you want to search? They didn’t want you.
• You were chosen. That makes you special.
• You should be happy someone wanted you.
• Why aren’t you more grateful?
• Tell your parents they can adopt me. I’d be grateful for all the cool stuff they have.
• Why do you care about her ? She gave you away.
• Be grateful for what you’ve got.
• She didn’t want you then, why would she want you now?
• What’s wrong with you? You should just be thankful. There’s a lot of kids who don’t have a family.
• Adopted kids are all mentally deficient. Must be inbreeding.

If you think I’m kidding, think again. Sadly enough, these phrases only touch the tip of the iceberg. Most of them were said by adults, not by children.

I am 52 years old. I am a wife, a mother, a successful webmaster. I am a college graduate and have worked in the airline industry and hospitality. I have a masters degree. I am a philosopher. I own and operate the a women’s network, designed for southern women on the internet. You’re looking at it right now, reading this. I have a decent marriage, a home, 2 terrific grandkids, some food in my pantry and a gas in my car. I am grateful beyond all measure for these things.

I am also adopted. I can never be un-adopted. Aside from being born, it is the one event that most shaped how the rest of my life would unfold. I was born on one path, the path that involved my mother, then suddenly shoved down a new path - a path on which I would never see her again. A path that included none of my family or history. For this, I am to be grateful and comforted. Simply, by the idea that she loved me enough to - what? To never see me again? To never let me see her again? This is supposed to be a GOOD thing?

Tell me - would your son or daughter consider it a good thing if you sent them down a new path, one which did not include you?

So why should I consider it a good thing? Would you?

---

Are You An Entrestreaker?

Entrecard Manners Count 

You might have noticed that I used Entrecard on this blog. I don’t on my other blogs, well just because I don’t. There’s no scientific evidence, at least as far as I’m concerned that its good or bad for my uses. However, I do have a few little gripes about its use on other sites. (just my opinion mind you)

Why is it necessary to  barrage users with pop ups and music that can not be clicked away? If I run into either of these time wasters, I’m gone, no click.

Are you hiding your Entrecard ad space for a reason? I will read a blog if its interesting, don’t make me hunt the Entrecard ad space, that’s really annoying. Also, why put it at the very bottom of the page? Is that so, I’ll be forced to page down and spend some time? Not gonna happen for me, I’ll click and be gone, chances are I’ll never be back either. (Just something to think about.)

Personally, I try to make Entrecard worth its while. (For example, commenting on posts). Don’t count on me to comment on every post, but if I find it useful or have something worth saying, I will.  “Entrestreaking” (click and run) is just bad manners. (I think)

So, for those of you who place your Entrecard ad widget above the fold, whose pages load quickly, who don’t  play hide and seek with your widget and who find the time to actually read the page your on, a big THANK YOU. The rest of you (you know who you are), think about WHY you put Entrecard on your blog in the first place. Then think about your visitors. Paying attention to your readers will get you far!

Easter Holiday

Our family Easter Holiday begins tomorrow, Friday and continues through Sunday.

I most probably will not find time to post during this time. I wish you all a very happy and peaceful Easter. 

 Gettin Some Ink

Ok, I am going to go ahead and put it out there. I’m working on getting some ink (read: getting published) and I’m going to need your help to do it. I’m working on a book right now about adoption and adult adoptees. I’d like to get in touch with as many adult adoptees as I can for interview purposes. (All personal info will remain confidential and will NOT become part of a published work) If you are an adult adoptee, or for that matter the parent of one, I’d love to hear from you. Please use my contact form and drop me a note. Also, if you know of someone who’s an adult adoptee, send them here please.  Research is the heart of any good read and heavens knows I need as much research on this topic as I can get.  The other side of the coin is that I’d like to talk with Birth Mothers about the subject. You can use the contact form for that information as well.

Don’t forget, Remarkable Bloggers© posts on Monday. I can’t wait to show you this next week’s blog!

Until Monday,