I’ve done a lot of thinking over the past week. I’ve considered some options and here’s the down and dirty.
Over the past several years, I’ve written. A lot. About my family, about my hopes, my dreams, my desires. I’ve offered advice, hints tips and more. Attempted to be the friend to many, mentor to some, devils advocate to others.
I’ve been a member of certain networks, in complete opposition to my personal way of thinking. I’ve reached out to those groups, to no avail. Offered my thoughts, asked for their help. Provided my services, input and more to scores of ‘mom’ bloggers and entrepreneurs.
In short over the past 2 years, I’ve given away close to $120K of my services to the community of moms. free. (yeah I keep count)
To what end? You tell me.
I’m continually passed over in the ‘sorority’ of women’s groups. Does it hurt my feelings? I’d be lying if I told you otherwise. But ruin my day? Hardly!
I’m opinionated (strongly) and the ‘sorority’ doesn’t want or need opinion. I’ve never been a follower, they don’t need leaders and innovators. They seem content to press out carbon copy.
And so, as I contemplate the coming fiscal year, there will be change.
You’ll find my following some on Twitter and Facebook reduced. I’ll be finding the true conversation. I’ll be eliminating the bruhaha of ‘mommy’ blogging ; the uprisings against Motrin, Nestlé, and KMart, WalMart and more. My activism will be limited to points I find important and not crowdivism (yeah that’s my word for it). House Parties? Won’t find them here. (Why would I submit my family to a house full of strangers for a t shirt and small sample of a product I’d never use anyway?) Stupid giveaway tricks? Nope, not happening. (there are far too many giveaway sites tacked on to mommy blogs anyway) Posts and tweets of no substance, discontinued. Posts, directed to mompreneurs who could care less about improving their business bottom line. Ceased.
To all of you who call yourselves mommy bloggers, are you really? Or are you using that tag, because its popular, because it will get you a little schwag and a little traffic. Are you blogging for bucks? Or are you creating your own future? Are you emulating Dooce, well because she’s making 40K on her blog (guess again). I’m fed up. Ticked off. And Tired. Tired of trying to explain the realities to those who’d rather believe Internet lore than fact. Are you just jumping on the bandwagon of controversy, because you think that’s the way to garner attention? Or, is there solid reasoning and logic behind your rants and posts? Just asking.
If you want substance, truth, actionable advice and you’re willing to do the hard work. Follow me, interact with me.
Beyond that…..
FULL STOP.
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Interesting, Debbie.
I don’t consider myself a mommy blogger, I wouldn’t even call myself much of a blogger at all these days. But I do remember the excitement of joining the blogging community and ran into some of what you have posted here. High school all over again
Best wishes to you!
.-= Bella´s last blog ..Time For Pumpkin Cake! =-.
As a true anti-mommy blogger I understand completely. I get sick of the holier than thou attitudes like their opinions are more important than anyone else’s. The constant “talking down” to anyone that might possibly have a different opinion is sickening. When I see what they spew about Nestle it absolutely makes me sick! The arrogance is beyond me! Whatever happened to if you can’t say anything positive, not saying anything at all? Not everyone agrees and not everyone wants to be preached to.
couldn’t have said it betta’ myself!
And I go back to one of my favorite business related books, “The Power of Nice” by Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval. I guess I’m boring. I like no drama, reasonable intellectual debate…even with people I don’t agree with. Of course, I’ve never been very good at crowdivism, either.
Thanks Cindy! The no drama mama sign is hung on the door! You’re always welcome to debate any topic here!;-)
Now see this is why I like playing with the boys. We don’t pussyfoot around things. If we don’t like you than we say so or more likely just ignore you.
There is a lot of money that can be made online if you know what you are doing, but most people don’t. At least most of the bloggers I have come across.
I’d like to earn enough to make blogging a full time job, but won’t cry if that never happens.
.-= Jack´s last blog ..Grandma’s Dying & Grandpa Has Cancer =-.
Jack, having grown up in a ‘house full’ of men, I’m with ya.. I’m so flippin over the sorority attitude and genuine issues its brought.
Great post — thank you. I’m not a blogger, but a retired grandmother of 2. I used to read several ‘mommy blogs’ — but after reading one a week or so ago about the ‘mommy mafia’ I realized there’s nothing appealing about those kinds of women. Your ‘sorority’ comment made me think of that. Why waste time reading mama drama? Would be nice if some of these women grow up, and model acceptable behavior to the kids they are raising.
Woman I am so with you on dancing to a different drummer. Sad that controversy is generally at someone else’s expense and not a TRUE controversy. But that is how the “sorority” types behave sadly. You know I had a great post where I ranted on about my feelings with healthcare and the like…true controversy…and I was so honored to have women come to my blog and banter with me intelligently and their opinions were so welcomed and they welcomed my beliefs and opinions too.
We are out there….just overshadowed by the “mommy bloggers” their sorority sisters and the drama they bring. xoxo
.-= Karie´s last blog ..WW Snip Snails and Piggy Tails =-.
Karie…I know you’re out there…some days I just need my own rant time…
and yeah with the overshadow..its sad..very sad.
Rant away. I always love your rants…precise, intelligent, and I get a *snort in. Smooches.
.-= Karie´s last blog ..WW Snip Snails and Piggy Tails =-.
I’m not sure I consider myself a mommy-blogger, life-blogger or what??? I still post about my kids, especially the stuff my 4 year old does, and how proud I am (and sometimes pissed off) of my 20 year old, but I’ve moved a little bit away from always blogging about their lives. Maybe just “writer” is good enough for now.
And I’m almost to the point where I’m tired of the “sorority” myself. I don’t know if you ever read Avitable (he’s most definitely not everyone’s cup of tea) but he has a recent post over there about his ROYO and why he feels those at the sorority didn’t choose it. I happen to agree. But hey, it is a “sorority” after all, and I suppose, being such, there’s a certain amount of exclusivism that goes on…and that right there is what pisses me off!
I don’t think the way they do, run in the same circles, or market myself the way most in that crowd say I should and I’m getting d@mned tired of being told that I’ll get nowhere if I don’t do it their way! As a matter of fact, someone very discreetly told me earlier today that if I do actually managed to get chosen to be on TBL that it would be a split second before I have the sorority beating down my door and asking me to speak next year, among other things. I made a bet with this person. I am not so sure they will come calling…I think just having me be a lesser known “pledge” (note, a pledge is never a full member of the sorority) who runs their product and posts to their community site from time to time is good enough for them.
At the end of the day, the rules I play by are mostly my own. I can think for myself and form my own opinions outside of their one-track minds. And ya know what? I think I like it better that way!
Thanks for writing this… And Debbie? Thank you for always helping me. I don’t say it often enough but I hope you know how much your help and support means to me, especially as I start the fight to regain my life!
.-= Audrey at Barking Mad´s last blog ..Constructive Destruction – Finding a Phoenix Amongst the Ashes =-.
i do follow him and that post is spot on.Yeah the group just isn’t where I am anymore..I never really fit in the cotillion, debutante, sorority any better than I fit the group that call them selves professional mommy bloggers (smirk) This group particularly irks me because they think they can say and do anything, whine, cry, condemn, complain and cuss at pr then turn it all sweetness and nice and expect to be respected…sorry doesn’t work that way. I love your mind, your writing and I love you, my sister (from another mister) I’m here for ya (there for ya too) And I so appreciate your kind words..
I think you might know how I feel about this… I’ve been trying to distance myself from the ‘mommy blogger’ name for a long time. And, the few times I’ve said something about it, I’ve been bashed or misunderstood.
I’m a business woman. I’ve been creating companies, running things, and making money since I was a teen. What I do is FUN, but I don’t do it just because it’s fun, I do it because it’s my business. I’m just fortunate and grateful to have a job I love so much!
Yes, I am a mother. And yes, I blog. But, I’m not a ‘mommy blogger.’
.-= Erica Mueller´s last blog ..7 Things Your Blog Needs to Attract Direct Advertisers =-.
and I applaud your distance. you’re an entrepreneur..not to mixed up with a bag lady attitude of some of the mommy bloggers..you rock it!
You just totally trashed mom blogging….and I liked it! LOL!
When I started blogging the term “mom blog” hadn’t been coined yet, I don’t think. There were no PR campaigns, “branding”, etc. And yet, I got totally caught up in it all and I have to say I hate the taste it has left in my mouth….and on my blog. I’m not hating on mom-bloggers (because my tag line says “A Mississippi Mom Blog”, it’s just that I am over it and I want to start afresh…yet I’m scared at the same time. This post is brilliant and has made me think…and think some more.
.-= Mommy Cracked´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.
Bravo! Bravissimo! the message is getting through! Oh and welcome to another Mississippi woman!
I have always been just outside the crowd. Starting in kindergarten, maybe even younger. I am just a very anti-mob kind of girl.
In school I’d always have aquaintencses inside “the popular circle” but I have always stood on the outskirts. It’s where I felt most comfortable. And still do
Comfortable to be myself, to hear my own little voice over all the clatter (and to listen to it) to do what makes ME happy at the end of the day and no one else.
I’ve also been a quality over quantity person…with friends, and life in general – until I started blogging that is…and then stats and followers and, and, and clouded my smart and knowing better brain.
But no more.
So, I really like this post and could have written many parts myself…but you wrote it so well!
I hope to connect with you more Deb!
Sarah
oh! and I only lasted a semester in a sorority in college..I wanted to try it, glad I did but it just wasn’t me…still isn’t
Let that be other peoples game, no judgment, but I am just not that person. Never will be.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..A glimpse of my old self =-.
Sarah, you’re not alone in the ” stats, followers, and and…” camp. It happens to everyone. Generally its not a bad thing to keep an eye on those things, as long as you keep an eye on the ‘quality’. Thanks so much for your insights, it seems I’ve struck a nerve in the community, and while not a dentist and I don’t play one on tv…maybe this virtual root canal will help.
If I only knew back when I started my blog all the things I know now, I would have approached it entirely differently. I’ve been thinking about re-branding and taking the word mommy off of everything for exactly the reason you describe. I try to distance myself and stay out of it, but it’s getting almost embarrassing being lumped in with the few who seem it’s their duty to be the keepers of the internet. Brava to you!
.-= Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy´s last blog ..National Mom’s Nite Out San Diego: Save the Date =-.
ahhhhhh hind sight…its always 20/20 …rebranding isn’t always a bad thing…just sayin
*Standing Ovation* I love that you’re putting your cards on the table, and walking away with an I-wish-you-would side-eye! I.Love.It.
I think the whole blogsphere is very much a to-each-his/her-own type of deal, and I don’t have marketers knocking down my door, (I do have a few with whome I work) and that’s probably due in large part to the fact that I truly talk about what’s interesting to ME, and not the things that I think will get me “the right attention”. Thanks for your candid take on the landscape out there. I’m relatively new to it all (less than 2 years as a consistent blogger), so the perspective is much appreciated.
.-= Akilah´s last blog ..Self-Love by way of Stretch Marks =-.
I’m SO with you! Marketing is a job to me (a job that I LOVE). Then there’s my blog: the place where I discuss cooking, fashion, design, whatever happens to be on my mind. Trying to marry the two – my professional expertise and my personal specialies – has been extremely difficult. Many people in the “mom blogger” world don’t care about actual business issues, and people in the business world stereotype all female bloggers as mommy bloggers and don’t take them seriously.
I don’t even have kids. Yet people see the homey feel of my blog and instantly dub me just another one of those moms who can be bought with a little schwag. Schwag doesn’t pay the bills. A rebrand is definitely on the docket for me.
Wow… just wow. You know, I have been blogging for a couple of years, put a lot of work, heart and soul into my blog. I love my readers. But there is something about this whole blogging thang that I just cannot get on board with- and you have articulated it perfectly. It feels like junior high all over again. It feels like there is an A-crowd. I just recently went to places like BlogFrog and the like and was.. well.. amazed and a bit appalled at all of the manipulation and histrionics and I-don’t-know-what-all that some women are willing to do to get a few clicks, a few bucks. It’s made me almost want to stop blogging… almost.
.-= Diane´s last blog ..Stitch in time =-.
Don’t stop Diane, don’t let the crazies get to ya! Remember why you started blogging and go for it! The rest..mehhhhh it fades.. someday, when they’re all as ‘old’ as me, they’ll figure out how silly it all was.
Most of all, this post has shown me how clueless I am about this big world of blogging. I forget that I have always been naive and sheltered! I was just not aware of all these drama mamas on the “bandwagon of controversy.” Am I a mommy blogger? I have no idea. I just write, and I write what I want to write. Would I like to make money doing it? Sure. I get a review offer here and there, but I’m not being “bought” with anything I don’t like, and I’m certainly not going to pretend to like something for a little prize. I’m sure I could have gotten caught up in all of that, but you have reminded me why I started in the first place. I also thank you for the perspective.
.-= ashlee´s last blog ..A Nanny and Her Twins =-.
Ashlee, you’ve got the right idea. And above all, as trite as it might sound..to your own self..be true! You know when you’ve crossed your own lines, you know what you want from blogging or journaling. Yes, you can make money blogging. But it does take work. really hard work. I’ll promise you this though..its so much fun, when you do!