Finding Tony

Cataloging Christmas

 

Its that time of year, again. This year we’re publishing the biggest Christmas Catalog ever! If you’re a small business owner, indie designer, author or shop owner and want to be listed in the catalog, we’d love to hear from you. Insertion is free and publicity is going to be fabulous for you this year.

Getting into the catalog is simple. Leave a comment here, and be sure when you do to leave a good email address in the required field. That’s all! I’ll get the information out to you! ASAP.

Looking forward to hearing from you!

I Am “That” Woman

Because my family reads me, I have to apologize for the following post. I’m sorry, but it all has to be said. Most of this post rambles. But my mind is rambling now as I struggle with where I am and where I need to be. For those of you who have messaged me directly, thank you for your support. I hold your friendships near to my heart.

An open letter to e-hub

I am a mother, a wife, a daughter. I am a sister, a sister in law, a friend. I matter

I have cried myself to sleep on more than one night, being  screamed at for something out of my control. I have been told to hit the road, leave, get out; with only a dollar in my pocket. I’ve been told I’m a mooch, a waste and stupid. I’ve been called a bitch, an idiot and well more than I can say here. I’ve been told the death of my ex was my fault, even though he decided to take his own life after more than 15 years. I’ve been told it was my fault a knife was put to my throat. Had I known then what I face now, I would have taken the knife.

I’ve been treated like a child, allowed out only when it was necessary. I’m only here to do laundry, cook and clean up after you. I’m not allowed to drive  your car. My battery was ripped from my own, when I made it known I was leaving some months ago. When I ask to have the car for the day, I’m scoffed at. I haven’t a need for a car. It needs to be parked outside your work.

I’m not allowed to have money for my own needs. (Mind you I left my own employment to insure yours was a success) But you hold the money from your own paycheck, not allowing me to have any cash for even the most basic of needs. You purchase what you want, when you want it. To hell with what I might need or want. You tell me I have a roof over my head, that should be enough.

You rail against me about silliness like a cell phone bill (the simplest of communication needs), yet don’t mind spending the equivelent in one night at a bar. Once stumbling drunk, you set out to make me feel less than human with insults and vile words, not to mention breaking household objects. The only ones in this house that haven’t suffered your wrath are the animals. Are they next?

You talk to me as though I am incapable of understanding the simplest sentences. Nevermind, I hold an advanced degree in Ethics. You do not value me or care that I might make a valuable contribution to the world. You sabotage every effort I make to make a career move for myself. If I had a job interview right now, I could not take it. I have no clothes appropriate for such, I’m in such need of a hair cut and basic upkeep, I’d be ashamed to be seen in anyone’s office.

You want me to support you and take care of your needs, yet are unwilling to do the same for me. You have issues ranging back far beyond my control or understanding, yet you want me to take them in hand and fix them. I cannot. They are things YOU must handle.

You’ve seen to it, that I am no longer confident, and engaging, but rather sad and scared that I will never be able to be what I once was.

The problem with this whole thing is that I do matter. I am intelligent and I am afraid now of your alcoholic rage.

You always apologize the next day. It means nothing now. I will leave. If it means leaving all that I have in this world, except myself and my pets, I will. I will find a way to get the money and way out.

I am “That” woman. The one who will hold you accountable for the damage you have done now and the rest of your life.

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